Over the last few years as I searched high and low for truth, and God, I always searched deep, and complicated things.  Now as I have given over to attempt living a "godly" life I am digging in deep, picking up complicated books, and Brian "Head" Welch has helped me understand that I am a baby, I need to be able to crawl before I walk. I need baby food! I need to start at the beginning. I need to know the what's before I start asking the why's.  I need to figure out where I am where I am going before I start asking how I am gonna get there.  I guess its like a dance.  I need to learn the steps before I start trying to add the colorful moves. 

We all need a purpose to live.  When we are children it is easy. Everything is a mystery. We understand little and even the little things we understand are filled with wonder. As we grow older we think we understand more, and the wonder fades, it takes more to surprise us, more to entertain, more to complete us. 

I searched the  words of philosophers, the romance of naturalists, the community of bars, the strength of whisky, and the beauty or women to find wonder. To entertain, to fulfill, to complete the childish wonder I once had. And to no avail. I just became more lost, empty, and confused.

I turned to search the face of God. There I found wonder, substance, completion. But to be completed by God requires work, and commitment. I am now stuck. I ask myself why I am willing to pour out every effort to pursue a woman but find it difficult to make much of am effort to pursue God when the benefits clearly are greater than any woman could ever offer.