Questions haunt my formidable existence. They saturate my consciousness. Searching in vain grows tiresome.

What a shame it must be to be ugly, the world set against you, what a pity. And even a bigger shame to be ugly and have morales, no chance then for success. A lack of morales or beauty is needed to be somebody in this world. Now let me throw off these morales so i can make money and have the best chances of success.

I want to glide through the water like a dolphin, climb through the trees like a squirrel. I want to soar through the skies like an eagle, and sit in the sunshine like a cow chewing its cud.

The sun shines, lit by the plaque from the gods' teeth. The monsters crawl through the grass in search of the tears of angels. This is where dreams come from, where the moon is actually cheese. Wallace and Gromit's heaven. The wind blows here and you can see it. As well as the effects of the wind on women wearing skirts, and it is good. It is never cold her, since the gods know not cold. The ocean takes no lives and the sharks are for petting. The sand doesn't annoy as the sand castle is built and the waves don't come to thrash handy work. The alcohol is strong here but you don't have to taste it twice, ever. It isn't even needed to make the women easy, and diseases are unheard of so full pleasure is guaranteed.

I sit here and ponder many things. People don't understand why I do. I don't understand it either but I have to. I have to wonder about the things i don't understand. I have to look for answers. I can't believe, I don't have faith, so i have to ask questions. I have to search for truth.

I want to drink up the fantasies of yesterday's desires.

The mountains reach for the empty endless sky. The sky marries the mountains to the endless expanses of nothingness. Nothingness reaches back with unlimited amounts of unanswerable questions. You attempt to answer the questions with faith, why are you so foolish? Even the the wolf knows its howl will never reach past the eagle.

Examine the blissful distaste for uncommonality with the moon's deprivation of the wolves howl. The sun doesn't deserve your hate or your distaste for the trances of those you call insane. Illusion is all you grasp so hold your faith tight between two fingers on different hands. The moss will grow on the trees tomorrow but your soul will fade like the love for your mother once did. But it won't grow back again. Hold yourself tight in the heatless night. Dream about the distasteful redemption that will never come to carry you away to the death you dream of. Rescue from the discomfort that you think life is. Fly with the hawks high over head, the eagles, dive like the falcon, but never stop, crashing into the barren soil in which dreams are never grown.

Walk around, walk around, and walk around again. Stare at the ground, don't even pretend like you know what you are doing or where you are going. It is those that pretend confidence that get some where. Droop your head, and hide your eyes, muffle your voice and claim "I don't know." It is those that pretend they know who get to make up the answers, and you still claim not to know. Believe, believe, and again believe. Your faith doesn't make you right. Tell the truth and be honest, you will be nobler for it but the honest only die in the quick draw.

Democracy says to you forget your dreams, forget your rights, your wants and desires. Where is your money friend? I will use it to protect you. Bare yourself to me but i won't look. Oops I lied, give me more money. Oh well i will just take it. I have fooled you, you fool. You think you have freedom, you have nothing, only illusions that you hold to so tight.

What then, does your faith accomplish if it proves nothing? Where does faith get you?

Smiles are usually given out for free, rarely is anything expected in return. Frowns are the same; we give them often with out good reason, generally to those that don’t deserve them. Frowns are usually inspired by our own poor imposition, occasionally brought on by someone other than we are frowning at.

Next to his left eye sat a wart destroying any attractive qualities that may have existed. It wasn't large but it was impossible to look in his direction without the grotesque hard ball of flesh stealing attention from any redemptive qualities that there may have been. It didn't matter though since no one ever noticed them. How sad the ugly must be. How do they convince themselves they are accepted in such an aesthetic world?

He was afraid of pain but was forced, simply by existing, to endure it. Pain, sadly comes with life, but thankfully is not the only ingredient, only a portion of the recipe. Some people embrace their pain and force it upon other people. One woman he knew always did just that and he despised it. She placed her pain on all around her through pointlessly complaining about everything that bothered her; emotionally, physically, and otherwise. She was Incapable of handling anything by herself. It was quite pathetic. Life would have been easier for all who knew her if she was just a slut and revealed her skin rather than her supposed pain.
Everybody hurts and no one's life is easy. Why did she think hers was worse than everyone else's. All of her issues: self created.
He despised her but couldn't get away from her. She clung to him and his friends and they couldn't shake her. She attempted to command their lives and for some reason they allowed it. Perhaps they all felt sorry for her and didn't know what would happen if they deserted her in the world of misery she created fro herself. Maybe she enjoyed the misery she created. But she certainly enjoyed the attention she commanded through her misery.

We walk down dark streets full of unforgotten hate

Dreams of happiness and love never leave us

Our childhood drives us forward as with desire

Love eludes us yet we long more and more

Family deludes us and teaches us to hate

The grass sways with the wind back and forth.

We watch the wind and move with it, back and forth.

An ant wonders from it's hole. Will it ever wander from its hole? A man lives in a hole of his own imagination. He never leaves his thoughts, or chases his dreams, only dreams more.

Look into the eyes of the stranger and ponder what you see. Is fear, or hate, love or power? Take the stranger by the hand if you dare. Will it follow you are will you follow it? Tell the stranger your thoughts, the deep thoughts that you tell no one else. Does the stranger listen to what you say or judge you? Does the stranger speak back to you? And do you hear what it has to say or do you judge? Take the stranger to your favorite secret spots, the places no one knows about, not your parents or your closest friends. The stranger is brave enough to kill you, and kill you from the front. You will see and you will thank the stranger when the deed is done. So go, find the stranger, and share, for it is your last chance. GO now, run along.

When the sun rose this morning i watched the moon die. Why must the sun kill the moon? Please explain me. I do not understand.

The snow didn't fall today but it did in my mind, what else matters. I can make any world I want for myself. It can snow, I can have any girl I desire, I can even create my own girls. What more could one want than an imagination. It rained today as well, and I was on the sandy beaches of Hawaii with a girl on each arm and one on my lap. I still got a sun tan in spite of the girl on top of me blocking the sun. They gratify my every pleasure. Oh wait, now I am skiing the slopes outside of Vienna. Oh wait, I have just wasted 30 precious minutes of my life in Hawaii, and Switzerland. Let me do it for real.

With my never ending desire for satisfaction of every sort, I would like to think that perhaps an acquisition of ultimate power would satisfy my longing for happiness. Maybe a womens touch would help. Yes, I do now have a woman, but perhaps another woman's touch, or maybe more than just one woman's touch.

I made a dream up in the morning because I am not creative enough to dream on my own. I made up a fabulous dream in which I was walking through a field alone with a beautiful girl on my arm. Well in reality she wasn't on my arm. She rather had her arms wrapped around my arm so that her breast was pressed against my arm. This is where i pretended to wake up. I continued to make up the dream like i usually do when i am actually lucky enough to have a dream of my own.